diabetes and joint pain

Omg,
today was damn tiring.
So shag when i got back home...
the day started with me making my own way to school...
In school mrs ng threatened to book me
for my grooming, cause i put all my earrings
on all my 7 piercings.
She made me take me off, but then when she walked away i put it
back on.
She doesnapos;t even book luh, she only say but she donapos;t really dare..
Haha.
idiot luh she..
Then we checked our results to see if we got promoted to express.
I GOT PROMOTED TO SEC 4 EXPRESS
iapos;m damn happy.
It was damn lucky luh
they pulled me up...
But 2 ppl in the class are retaining...
Damn saddddd
then after that we went for the art biennale.
Some exhibition...
Was damn cool...
Fun and all.
But tiring...
Had to walk all around..
The artistsapos; works were very interested.
It was a really fresh feeling..
then we went to the south beach camp place.
So hot and stuffy...
And the place stinks at certainparts.
Cause thereapos;s this art piece made of sugar and the
sugar was rotting.
It was to represent smth.
yes it was on purpose...
It was built like a pagoda and the rottting sugar
collapses slowly.
To represent the disregard of religion in cambodia..
So very very interesting.
But it smells like PUKE.
seriously...
Anw, the art work was really amazing.
very inspiring.
Our facil was quite fun yet lame...
Lol.
then we ended the tour and headed back to school.
Went compass with helena, javi and mariam
for awhile, then i went home.
Canapos;t take it already darn tired...
So then when i reached home i bathed...
And then i slept...
So tiring.
I think i slept at like 3.30?
then i woke up at abt 6.40pm
SO SLEEPY...
haha.
iapos;m still quite blur now...
anw, thatapos;s abt all...
til next time...
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Ok so. Midterms are just killllin me. I know, i know.. It's my fault
For letting myself fall behind so much, but damn. I'm sitting here
I'm screwed, so instead of doing something unproductive, i
Figured i should at least be doing this blog. I guess it's because it's
My first semester at City that I'm falling behind. I mean, it's not
Entirely because of that, but yeeah. Some teachers are just NO HELP
WHATSOEVER in high school, even though we were pretty
Independent, we could always go to teachers for help. I also just
Lagggged like crazy in high school it was never that big a deal,
I always had points shaved off, but it was whatever. In City, it's like
I'm paying for these classes so i gotts to do my best if not,
Then what would even be the point? I don't want to go through college
Just scraping by. Which is probably why I'm so mad right now. Mad
Dissapointed, at myself. I know it's my actions that got me here too,
It's like a battle I can't win with myself. I'm just really stressed
Out right now. I'm also taking the next semester off for family
Reasons. I just don't want to take my break then not want to go back to
College, I just hope I'm motivated enough to coi ntinue on. Welllll,
Hopefully I can just finish this week up. Be done with all my midterms
catch up with everything.

PS. I really did this blog last, but I just realized I titled it under Blog 3 so I apologize for the inconvenience. Thanks.

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..had those days, or those moments in your life where you feel you should be doing something totally different from what youapos;re doing now?� Iapos;ve been feeling that way, so I did a lot of "Spring cleaning" in my life, and home, got rid of some so-called friends that were dragging me down,� surround myself with my loved ones, and now that feeling has left me.� I feel like Iapos;m finally on the right track again, and the fog has lifted. � I guess at one point or another we always get off the path weapos;re suppose to be on, and this apos;feelingapos; is our spirit telling us that we dilly-dallied long enough, and we need to get back on track again.

At age 37, I am heading back to school, obtain my degree that has been as elusive as Bigfoot, and start writing again.� Yes, you read it right, I am going to start to write again. �If youapos;re going to critique my work, all I say is be gentle. LOL



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�Chp 20

ldquo;Do you want to maybe stay at my house tonight just so that you are not alone?rdquo; David asked as we were still driving back from the hospital.� I could see the good intension in his eyes.� ldquo;I wonrsquo;t touch you.� I wonrsquo;t even get close.rdquo; David said.

ldquo;Well, what kind of sleep over would that be?rdquo; I questioned while trying to crack a smile.� His fingers gently slide between mine.� So soft was his touch.

He must have completely forgot about the pharmacy as we pulled up to his house.� I didnrsquo;t bother to say anything I was to worn out.� The hospitalrsquo;s wait was at least three hours if not longer so I knew David was more than ready to get home.� I will just get my medication tomorrow.�� David parked the car, and before I could even open my door he was already there to scoop me into his arms.� He carried me into his bedroom and gently laid me down and pulled the covers over me.� I just hoped the cops were not going to come interrupt us this time.

ldquo;I hope the cops donrsquo;t come for me this time,rdquo; David said with a goofy smile on his face.� I began to laugh. ldquo;What are you laughing about?rdquo; David questioned.

ldquo;I was just thinking that exact thought,rdquo; I said giggling.�

ldquo;Irsquo;ll be right back.rdquo; David said, ldquo;Irsquo;m just going to go get your purse out of the truck.

ldquo;Okay, Irsquo;ll be here.rdquo; I said as David walked out of the room.� I couldnrsquo;t help but gaze around the room trying to keep my mind off of what had happened.� As my eyes wondered through each and every corner, crack, and shelf of the room, they became focused on a picture of David that was sitting on his dresser.� He was dressed in camo holding the head of a deer up off the ground.� I didnrsquo;t know he was a hunter.

ldquo;Heather, we so forgot to go to the pharmacy,rdquo; David exclaimed.

ldquo;We sure did,rdquo; I laughed, ldquo;How did you remember?rdquo;

ldquo;I was getting your purse out of the truck and saw your prescription sitting in the center console.rdquo; David said.

ldquo;Oh, cause I would have never remember,rdquo; I said.

ldquo;Do you want me to run the prescription up to the store real quick?rdquo; David asked.

ldquo;Ugh, you can if you want.� I mean I can get it tomorrow.� Itrsquo;s really no big deal.rdquo; I replied.

ldquo;Are you sure?� Cause I thought you said the doctor wanted you to start your medications tonight?rdquo; David asked.

ldquo;He did, but it really doesnrsquo;t matter.� Tomorrow is another day.rdquo; I said.

ldquo;Irsquo;ll go drop them off tonight that way I can pick them up first thing in the morning.� Is that okay?rdquo; David asked.

ldquo;Yeah, that will be fine.rdquo; I replied.

ldquo;What pharmacy do you use?rdquo; David asked while eyeing the prescription.

ldquo;I use Walgreenrsquo;s Pharmacy,rdquo; I answered.� I could tell he was trying to make sense of the doctorrsquo;s terrible handwriting.� ldquo;Having troubles reading, Nosey?rdquo; I laughed.

ldquo;Sorry,rdquo; David chuckled.� ldquo;Doctorrsquo;s cannot write for anything.rdquo;

ldquo;I know,rdquo; I replied.

ldquo;Even if I could read what he wrote I donrsquo;t think I would understand it,rdquo; David said.

ldquo;Me neither,rdquo; I said.

ldquo;I mean all I can read is prenatal vitamins and then the rest is just scribble,rdquo; David said as he looked up at me with a glazed expression.

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I hate to be in this state.
ughh..i want to get out of it but i keep being pulled down.
no one who even stretch to me to give me a helping hand neither a shoulder to lean on.
i feel so horrible.
everything seems so wrong.
i really miss the life i once had. I keep reflecting on my past and trying to figure it out. I just cant seem to find�the answer but i guess things that have been happening speak for itself.
it hurts. It really does.
im just helpless.

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Chapter Two: The Moreton

John was not the bedwetting type. His nightmares as a child were fairly conservative when he compared them with the other children, during little lunch at primary school. His main fears consisted of odd shaped characters and personalities that sought to twist his mind. One extreme case was Mr Squiggle. It wasnrsquo;t so much as having a pencil for a nosehellip;as it was the fact that it never seemed to run out of lead. No great sized pencil sharpener to blow, or wax, or surgerize such an appendage. The talking blackboard gave him chills, as did the news that Mr squiggle was a man from the moon. But the freaky side of things for John, was Miss Jane talking politely to these strange characters like she grew up with them. John needed a week off school the very first time he watched the show. The ldquo;upside downrdquo; drawings spun his mind. He couldnrsquo;t go outside his house for a month without searching for the strange people who were in on it too. You knowhellip;those people sending the doodles in to the show.

But this was no upside down world John found himself to be in. It was the same modern society he went to bed knowing. Last night, although a terrible night sleep, was just an ordinary night. He would go to bed at a decent hour of the night, and dream or not to dream. What may have been slightly unusual for him though, was the congestion of wax in his ears that clogged his hearing, even during his woken hours. This substance at times seemed to hum to him. A pulse came from it, calming, relaxing and meditative. Alien in particular language, yet familiar, as if it spoke from his own motherrsquo;s womb during incubation. A lullaby almost, that throbbed through his veins and drummed an echo of visions and stereophonic vibrations.

A dense mist came seeping through the door of the apartment. Soon John could not see one inch in front of his eyes. This was not so easy now. His breath shortened and quickened. He should see now, only through the palms of his feet. Stretching forward, tentatively as a cat, searching for a layer of familiarity, he planted one foot in front of the other, guided by the shape of the crack within the floor. Itrsquo;s texture was earthy. A soil like substance protruded through the winding crevice, almost moulding to his feet as he stepped. A sticky residue gripped his foot, embedding onto his soles as if they were the lost dead cells that once belonged to him, now re-igniting the chemistry and unity of the ever changing body.

Soon this newly invented style of walking became like first nature to John. His movement glided across the ground before him, as if hovering upon a magnetic rail. His feet felt light. His senses were numb. His dependency was now totally mutualised by this force from beyond. Not the fog itself. This was dense and solid. He had the feeling of anticipation that accompanied a large banquet with relatives and friends. Where he was heading, he knew, he would not be alone. But, for nowhellip;it was him and only him, and the beyond. Then, through a tunnel of light breaking through the fog up ahead, he could see it. It was deep and congested with magically familiar characteristics. Its arms were many and reached outwards. They sprayed as if searching through space with ownership and absolute assuredness. Each part belonging to the other, but individual in magnitudes and intensity. A spiritual awareness surged from the solid trunk from which they grew. The dense quality once again struck awe inside of John. This object of massive life was upon him. The great moreton bay fig.

By Michael Taylor.
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Yet another sleepless night.

i thought these nights were over.

jokeapos;s on me.

fuck.

iapos;m so goddam fed up with life and
itapos;s ups and downs. I hate walls.
i hate the past. I hate that i changed
and i forgot how to be in rage. I wish
i could rip through a beating heart.

but, those emotions left me with everything
else when i changed. Too little too late.
now i donapos;t have the anger, i donapos;t have the
emotion to deal with these things. Maybe
iapos;m cold? maybe iapos;m numb?

i fear tomorrow.

gapos;night.

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